Recently I have gotten myself into a rather negative cycle. I have spent my days feeling negative and reprimanding my children often and loudly. Then at night, I have chastised myself for being a terrible parent. I promise myself that the next day I will be more patient, calmer, less quick to anger and shout. I will radiate love and kindness and when I fart only rainbow sparkles shall be produced.
Invariably this falls apart within a hour (two if I’m doing well) the next day, and I revert to the shrieking banshee that my neighbours have likely thought has taken up residence in my home this week. Bed time comes and again I chastise myself and promise to be better. I think in part this vicious cycle has come about for a number of reasons. More importantly I don’t want to continue.
Now I have done some reading about the art of parenting – what else is google for? Sarah Ockwell seems to the lady to go to if gentle parenting is your plan of action. I enjoy reading her theories and teachings, and if I am honest they make sense. But here is my but, I start out well but it doesn’t take long for me to revert to my Kraken form. And so the negative cycle repeats. I have recently started keeping a journal, mainly for inspiration for blog writing so that when writers block strikes, I have back up inspiration. So a suggestion by a good friend actually made a lot of sense.
And so it is early days so far but I have to say it does seem to be helping. Even after today where my 1 year old decided to build a tower of teddies that she could utilise to climb and then fall out of the cot. This same one year old then threw herself off of the sofa five minutes later where I caught her by a leg just before she hit the floor. I also got no naps today from either child. Foolishly after a somewhat stressful day repeatedly saving my youngest piggy’s life I thought I would share a bath with my them to reset the day and end on a good note.
It was a good note mostly………my eldest little pig loves the water and in the bath insists on showing me how to be a mermaid. My youngest little pig who adores her big sister decided to copy her, and took on rather a lot of water before I scooped her back up, she then had a coughing fit and then regurgitated into my bath water. Big sister then showed me how she could ‘disappear’ under the now murky water. Such a relaxing bath! But once I had put them both to bed, I came downstairs with a smile about my little piggies. Despite the vomiting and attempts at swimming underwater (in 5 inches worth), they were both pretty funny this evening. Splashing and laughing and attacking me with incredibly slippery cuddles, even the rather fast rinse and abort of the bath didn’t diminish their fun.
So to finish, perhaps I can’t sustain the patience for gentle parenting right now but it’s a start. And by listing what I am grateful for, I end up going to bed with a positive spin on things rather than going to bed feeling like a failure at being a mother.
Speak to you soon.
Wishing you well.
Stay At Home Piggy.